a fine mess

So, it's rapidly dawning on me that my future plans may not proceed as intended. I'm just too blazé about the whole thing, and my nonchalance kind of frightens me in a really oxymoronic way. I'm an oxymoron. Emphasis on the latter part of the word. ..I'm clearly finding humour in these dark times. And that's the problem, to be honest.

I have so many ambitions; I must say, I'm as ambitious as they come. I'm also as lazy as they come, and the two qualities almost cancel each other out. I always aim so high, but when the time comes to reach those heights, this nonchalance causes me to fall short. As I type, I'm sitting here thinking about all the things I could be doing, with absolutely no intention of doing them. The more I think about them, the closer I feel I am to actually getting up doing something. But, from past experience, I'm almost certain I won't.

I know what I have to do, I'm just not sure how. And as this entry concludes, the thought of merely opening a book dissolves, just as quickly and spontaneously as it was formed.

'buy film, not megapixels'

So, after several meticulous days (likely, weeks) of searching, and even a rogue purchase from ebay (like, why would you sell something you know isn't working), I finally acquired my canon ae-1. Not the 'program' model but, as far as I'm aware, there's not much difference, and  I've found using the manual to be a pleasure. Yesterday, I decided to take a detour to Whitgift centre, where I finally had my film developed. Is it just me that feels really self-conscious when I go and pick up film? When you think about it, someone always sees your photos before you, and I always get the feeling that I'm being silently judged: perhaps there were too many 'self-portraits', or perhaps the pictures didn't turn out well, and the guy thinks you're a shit photographer. I don't even know why I think about these things, but you should definitely think about these things too. It'll make me seem less weird.

Anyway. I wasn't expecting too much from the images, as I was just messing around with the shots/settings, but some of the images turned out absolutely beautifully. I never believe hype,  but I can definitely confirm that the 'hype' around this camera is justified. I'll be publishing more pictures in future posts.