a fine mess

So, it's rapidly dawning on me that my future plans may not proceed as intended. I'm just too blazé about the whole thing, and my nonchalance kind of frightens me in a really oxymoronic way. I'm an oxymoron. Emphasis on the latter part of the word. ..I'm clearly finding humour in these dark times. And that's the problem, to be honest.

I have so many ambitions; I must say, I'm as ambitious as they come. I'm also as lazy as they come, and the two qualities almost cancel each other out. I always aim so high, but when the time comes to reach those heights, this nonchalance causes me to fall short. As I type, I'm sitting here thinking about all the things I could be doing, with absolutely no intention of doing them. The more I think about them, the closer I feel I am to actually getting up doing something. But, from past experience, I'm almost certain I won't.

I know what I have to do, I'm just not sure how. And as this entry concludes, the thought of merely opening a book dissolves, just as quickly and spontaneously as it was formed.

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by B.T. Eno